The Feast Of Life

2010-03-27T11:22:00.003+08:00

I apologize for not updating. I promise you I have not ran out of things to say/rant, but just that I have not the time to write a coherent piece. (check out my drafts and you'd know what I mean). But I have recently created a new blog--sort of my pseudo-political alterego. Something more for me to publicize, and brainwash the world with (my amazing ideologies). So here it is:

http://thatqword.wordpress.com

I'll save this space for more personal, erotic stuff. :)

p.s. I've changed my address, it's now
29B Landseer Road
London
N19 4JU
:D

2009-09-17T06:02:00.000+08:00

39A Blackstock Road
London
N4 2JF
UK

07760134041.

:)

2009-08-21T16:04:00.004+08:00

i r back.

and feeling slightly inspired by this guy: A Singapore Taxi Driver's Diary

PhD student from Stanford driving a taxi in Singapore.

Some of the comments on his blog reminds me of what my dad said to me recently: my expectation for you is for you to earn as much as your peers. It's the least you can do after I've spent so much on your education in the UK. (fyi. my peers have gone on to be accountants, consultants, economists, and high-income-high-flying-white collar wearing-people). And what I'm doing now? Working at a chinese pub in Outram for a pay of $10/hr.

Occassionally I do feel like wtf am I doing. Especially when I tell people I have just graduated (and when they probe-from a UK university), and the look on their faces makes me think twice about what I am doing. Pouring alcohol for customers, playing games with them, making them drink.. (doesn't help that my manager wants me to dress pretty + put on make up). And also the fact that I went to a UK university to study means that I come from a pretty wealthy background... and my dad used to say to me, why do I want to fight for the jobs that some other people reaaally need? [and my brother just recently said that i'm wasting money going to study masters when all i want to work for is in the humanitarian sector -- a sector that will make sure i will never be rich.]

But really. Before you guys start jumping to conclusions, I am going to put my foot down and say that this is one of the best experiences I have had. Just as Dr Taxi driver has so many stories to tell - so do I. They may be very short and simple stories, but they are still stories that unless intoxicated with alcohol, one would never hear or experience. No doubt that there are some stories that I'd much rather not hear (although on hindsight they are quite funny).

Well basically what I am rambling on about I guess is that your career choice need not be determined by your qualification (especially when I did my qualification out of pure duty). And that there's so much more to life when you explore things that are generally out of your "path". Even better if you don't have "path", because then you have an excuse to venture about and experience life and the amazing stuff it has. Unless of course you're not into that and just want stability and money and all the jazz (I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with chasing money and material desires but that's really just not my cup-of-tea and people need to start realising that there are many varieties of teas out there!). Don't jump to conclusions like "you're wasting time being a taxi driver when you have a PhD" or in my case "you're wasting resources by being a pei jiou mei (beer-girl)". Keep an open mind! Seriously.

I have met so many different kinds of people in the pub it's actually pretty amazing. People that I never thought existed in Singapore; stories that I thought I'd never hear of in Singapore. And if anything, I am pretty sure my conversational chinese is back to the standards when I was in Nanyang! And my hokkien vocabulary has definitely ventured beyond the vulgarities. How cool is that.

p.s.: they're actually really good. :D

2009-06-04T10:09:00.002+08:00

people with talent think that the fine line dividing talent and hard work doesn't cut -- cut through flesh and bone and work that is so hard it can scratch diamond.

If there truly is a God, He would start doing something.

2009-05-15T08:11:00.003+08:00

Seriously. Within the past two weeks, my little slot in my door (my mail-hole) has been constantly fed with propaganda from the British National Party (BNP). Notorious for being fascists, racists, anti-immigrants, and in complete denial that the Holocaust ever happened. And you thought hardcore propaganda only belonged to the pages of our Social Studies textbook, or China, or North Korea. Either that, or in the form of television advertisements that infiltrate your mind. The best part is, the BNP does have support - not a huge fan base, but still. According to wikipedia, they received 0.7% of the vote in the 2005 UK general elections. That is about 500,000 people.

Well, what happened is this. Today was my friend's 21st birthday, so we went out for dinner and then decided to head to a pub to grab a couple of drinks. In my 2 and a half years in England, I have always managed to prove my age - in pubs, buying cigarettes etc - with my Singapore I/C or my driving license. But today, one of the biggest pub chains in England - Wetherspoons, has decided that they are no longer accepting foreign ID as a form of proof of age. When asked why and how, the door-bastard simply told us that it's a new policy by the Warwickshire Council and Police, and that passports are the only form of identity they accept.

So now, people, where is the logic? People go to pubs to get drunk/high/merry. Passports? Seriously? So that we will so keep an eye on it when we lose inhibitions and be completely unaccountable for important possessions???? And besides, isn't this just a plain form of discrimination, perfectly echoing the sentiments of the BNP??? Leamington is a bloody STUDENT'S town. Warwick is an INTERNATIONAL university. Furthermore, there were absolutely no publicity of such a policy. (If people are starting to think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill and finding discrimination where there really isn't, then well, I should tell you that I am the kind of person who thinks discrimination is usually self-imposed, and that one shouldn't be overly paranoid about it cos it simply reflects the kind of person you are. Ask me and i'll explain further.)

The door-bastard told us that if we had any complains, go to the police station, which we did (it was 5 minutes away). And guess what, surprise surprise. Policewoman said, "This is news to me". I.e. she has never heard of such a policy being implemented, and that she thinks that the door-bastard was really, a bastard.

The only logical next step was to go back and confront the door bastard, who wasn't at the door this time, so we easily walked into the pub. oh, irony. But we found him and told him that the police said there was no such thing. Oh, and surprise surprise again, "My manager told me about this. I'm only the messenger". Ah, pointing fingers is so damn easy huh.

Me and my law-student friend is going to write a letter to that manager (who wasnt there at the time), and demand a damned good explanation or some form of (monetary) compensation. HAH. Updates to follow.

Friends.

2009-04-06T07:59:00.002+08:00

I have never been the social butterfly, as most of you know. Sure, I can talk to people I've met for the first time if introduced, but I don't normally bring the relationship any further. I am not the kind who has a thousand friends on facebook and I don't normally make a huge effort to put myself out there and "make" friends (macium add some flour, eggs, water and viola).

I suck at making "proper" friends. I kinda suck at keeping them as well. But those people whom I like and can talk to, I normally make an effort to keep them in my life. (This is probably not a situation unique to me, but I'd thought I'd say this just to make things clear about where I stand.)

SO. It kinda sucks when people whom you thought of as important people decides to walk away (dusting their bums or whatever). I've made about.. 5 or 6 good friends ever since coming to Uni, and have probably lost about 2 or 3. No, I didn't offend them, or insult them, or neglect them. They just chose to walk right out on me. Reason? Well, at least for two of them, I believe, it's because they've found "new" friends. And as the saying goes, out with the old, in with the new. It really kinda sucks. It's almost like a slap in the face saying, you're fucking shit, I'm gonna go play with people 10 times more fun and entertaining than you are (given how I enjoy being an entertainer, this is probably the greatest insult).

Seriously mannn.. I had to invite myself over to their places. I asked one of them out continuously. And all I get is, sorry, busy. sorry, busy. or quite simply, the cold shoulder. It was his birthday yesterday, and me and his other friend wanted to celebrate with him. Birthday boy asked for suggestions as to where to go, and I happily gave him some options - chill at his place, head to a pub in the town we live in, or go to a strip club (uh huh). And the reply I got was "errr i'm staying in coventry (the other town which is an hour away from the town we live in)today.. so leamington will be out of the question".

Blah.. I knew he had this new group of friends -- he has ditched me and his other mate countless times to go play with them. But I thought we could all celebrate at his house and we could all finally meet, but no. I asked him since a week before his birthday what he was gonna do -- and all i get is "i'm going to sit on the toilet bowl". And I thought the friendship we had was better than that.

I could go on ranting about the countless times he said he wanted to do something with me and then at the last minute, ran off to his other group of friends. Said he wanted to jam with me -- ran off with his friends. Said he wanted to go see some live music -- got pissed and was too hungover to remember our "date".

He's not the only one. It's just that this happened today so I rant about it. It seems like the internet really doesnt do justice to trying to keep friendships either. Tried talking to some good friends on the internet, but I generally get half hearted responses, and an "so-and-so is offline" without so much as a "bye bye".

Man, how easy is it to put aside friendships? I guess the next time they turn around I'll probably no longer be there anymore.

If you think I'm talking about you, then start talking to me or I'll find some new playmates, even if they have to be imaginary.

2009-03-05T02:36:00.003+08:00

And all this time I've been trying to convince myself it's not so bad. I forced myself to love modules even though they bombard me with unnecessary maths and statistics. I forced myself to overlook their flaws and look at the interesting parts. I convinced myself I'm learning interesting things and one day it'll all make sense. I thought I found Will again.

How am I supposed to continue if you won't cooperate? The moment I stopped staring at closed doors and begin my climb out the open window, you slam shut in my face. Again and again I ice my bruises and get on to the next emergency exit, again and again you lock me in with fire burning my oh-so-very-flammable ass.

Just when I found the motivation to aim for a second upper honours, you ram a wall in front of me with the words "NO FUCKING WAY" spray painted on it, followed by incessant cackling. Just when I finally stopped being the self-absorbed and will-less useless bastard, you tell me that's who I am and that there's no use trying to be anything else.

Just when I'm considering the option of going back to Singapore, you took the initiative to banish me to the eternal hells under the dictorship of the Lees. Why don't you just write out the plans you have for me and I'll accomplish them by myself? That way you wouldnt have to dirty your sacred hands and waste so much time on me.

I really wonder if you know how much pain and torture you put me through.

2009-01-14T09:16:00.003+08:00

"First they came for the Jews,
and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the Communists,
and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak out for me."

-Martin Niemoller, German theologian who spoke out against the Nazis and was incarcerated in the concentration camps from 1937 to 1945, very nearly executed.

2008-10-13T09:20:00.001+08:00

goddamnit.

2008-10-11T07:01:00.002+08:00

Ever watched something (either on youtube, on the stage, on the streets etc), and had this feeling of your heart rate accelerating, your eyes nearly in tears, and a shortness of breath (inevitably caused by an increased heart rate)? And just said to yourself a million times over how much you wish you're the one standing on that "stage" and not whoever you're watching?

yea. that's it.

2008-10-01T23:14:00.001+08:00

2008-09-26T00:33:00.004+08:00

*********EDIT************* people please take note that i wrote the wrong postal code, get the right one! :D

50 Charles Gardner Road
Leamington Spa
Warwickshire
CV31 3BQ

+44 (0)7760134041

meow.

2008-09-15T05:08:00.001+08:00

when you don't belong to the world you're in; and when the world you belong to has turned its back right in your damned fucked up life.

I need to learn how to do goddamn splits in order to keep afloat whilst having one foot on a different boat.

2008-09-03T02:22:00.000+08:00

this is what i'm doing in singapore. well, or at least trying to do. ahahahaha...

when you have both feet in different countries..

2008-09-01T04:27:00.002+08:00

Currently how I feel about Singapore: disgust, and anger.

I don't really need to go into details but I'm so fucking tired of hypocrisy, arrogance, and a general lack of kindness. I don't care if people are narrow-mind or ignorant since not everyone gets a chance to step out of this red dot. But it is the general lack of kindness that seriously pisses me off. And I believe you don't have to go to school to show some kindness to your fellow human being.

I am so dead on leaving Singapore, and I mean once and for all.

But, oh yea, the inevitable But. I am going to leave behind so many things. People, in particular. Family and friends. What else. 13 years of friendship, 20 years of kinship. Some things you just can't create from scratch. Ever since I came back, this has been on my mind all the time. I seriously can't work it out. I'm considering moving to Japan since its nearer and my mother would probably be happier moving there or staying there with me... Blah. We'll see. One more year before I seriously need to decide...

2008-06-17T22:32:00.002+08:00

"A nervous scorpio? Well, you usually hide it so well but today your nerves threaten to get the better of you. You needn't worry about failure but do try and enjoy these challenges. You did, after all, set them up yourself."

My horoscope for today totally cracked me up. Hell yea, my perpetual laziness and unwillingness to do work/study has led to the inability to ace my exams..and for one paper, the threat of actually failing. But well, i'm gonna trust the stars if they are saying that i wont fail. hoho.

fuck the death penalty.

2008-06-15T20:50:00.002+08:00

Rich people are lazy.

And by rich I mean, people's whose proclaimations of poverty are only times when they desire an expensive bag/shoe/makeup/rings etc; and when they rely heavily on parental donations for most of their activities, and any termination of such charity renders one incapable of survival. And by lazy I mean, the inability to put in 100% effort in anything they do. Rich people are lazy because they know that whatever they do, they have a free flow bank to fall back on. Even though this "bank" may not be part of the contingency plan, its the existence of it that gives consolation...and hence a lack of effort.

I may generalise, but I find this particularly true most of the time, especially for me. Yea I hate the fact that I'm rich, but before people start slapping my favourite phrase "the grass is always greener on the other side" in my face, I'm gonna admit that I am extremely thankful for being ever so inevitably wealthy. I can fail my exams and know that I will still get some sort of education that will secure my income for the rest of my life. And even if I dont, I'll have a hefty sum of inheritance (ok this is not the most morally right thing to say, but let's face it, it's true). I often say that being rich makes one unable to do what they want to do. At least from the perspective of a daughter/son. There are expectations that come with being rich--one should be part of the upper class, credit card colour wise, as well as physical wise. One needs to look the part, sound the part, and be the part. No dreadlocks, no piercings, no hippie slippers. Yes pretty shoes, yes pretty hair, yes expensive dress. No tiger beer, no loud manic laughter, no kitchen mess. Yes expensive (but horrible tasting) wine, yes refined laughter, yes maid (or just general neatness). But honestly, being rich (and having the comfort of knowing I'll always have money to fall back on), really gives me so many options. That is, I can fail my exams and know I can still do theatre. I can pass my degree and still know I can do another degree/diploma in something I love. I know I really dont have to work that hard, even if part of me wants to.

I guess I do sound like a complete brat, spoilt and pampered. But I thought I'd just share my latest revelations. And stop fighting the notion of money, and stop saying that I fucking hate it. Cos only with the excess of it can I convincingly say that I hate it. And yes I'm lazy. So very lazy.

2008-06-11T07:32:00.002+08:00

Its all too familiar. Walking out of an examination hall and thinking.... "fuck 3 hour papers, i'm fucking starving!!"

But this is not the point of this post. I just thought I'd like to share my misery and hopefully garner some sympathy and possibly convince people who have the power to speak to god/devil/spirits/minions/trees etc, to GIVE ME ALL THEIR BLOODY LUCK AND CREATE SOME FUCKING MIRACLE NOW!!!!

yea. After all my whining in my 1st year and all hopes and dreams of failing it and returning to Singapore, the tables have turned. I am DYING to pass. I NEED to stay in England. Just when things are moving in the right path...(at least in my imagination), I DONT WANT TO BE BANISHED TO oh-dearest-lion-city. Sigh. Today's paper was pure shit. I need 37 marks to pass. And I cant tell you if I'm confident of that. Last year I had the privilege of a resit, but this year, the following options are available:

1. Retake the exams next summer. (i.e. take a year off and come back for the exams)
2. Be doomed to eternity in Singapore.
3. Sell my soul to the devil.
4. Sell my soul to my father.

Two down, three more to go.

And I'd just like to bitch about people who complain about failing, and then get As. Seriously. Some chick complained to me for god-knows-how-long about how she doesnt understand the "Monetary Union" chapter. And for god-knows-how-long, I havent got a clue which chapter deals with the monetary union. Until 12 hours before my paper, I saw--it's the second last chapter of the entire module. Seriously, she was thinking she's gonna fail cos she missed out the last two chapters!?!? I barely even got through halfway!!! Eventually, after the exam, she asked me how it was, and I said I honestly think I'm gonna fail. And she said, "no la, as long as you wrote something, they wont fail you." SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?! you dont know what the fuck I wrote in my script, and neither do I. ARGH.

Anyway, he's a little treat for listening to my rants, that is if you got that far.

2008 Britian's Got Talent Winner. The song he used in his dance is now the number one hit on itunes, and on the radio. The British are really quite amusing.

2008-05-23T07:41:00.003+08:00

Capital Punishment in Singapore

Sigh. I still find this extremely disturbing.
Possession of a certain kinds of drugs over the threshold quantity receives a mandatory death sentence.
And:

"'Any person found in or escaping from any place or premises which is proved or presumed to be used for the purpose of smoking or administering a controlled drug shall, until the contrary is proved, be presumed to have been smoking or administering a controlled drug in that place or premises.' Thus, it is dangerous to even be in the company of drug users."

I hate to think that a person is guilty until proven otherwise.

I think the disturbing thing is such a punishment serves to prove one thing -- Singapore cannot even tolerate a bit of decadence.

Two cases that caught my eye are those of two Hong Kong women, both 18 years old at the time of their crime; and a young Macao mother was was 25 at time of execution.

Seriously, for all those people who based their arguments against the repealing of S377A--that homosexuality breaks the nuclear family unit, what about the government sending young mothers to death and orphaning their kids?? What, is no parent better than 2 same sex parents???

Reading the article just drives me up the wall. I might leave Singapore forever. Despite loving the culture and food, I dont think I can live in a place and call it Home, when all it does is suspect me.

2008-05-17T09:08:00.002+08:00

Aurora.

(i hate that i find great stuff 10 years late, but i guess, better late than never. conan if u ever read this: i'm finally listening to the rock cd you burnt for me. ahaha.)

2008-05-10T01:43:00.002+08:00

And so I was doing my macroeconomic essay (yea i know). The topic was on Central Bank Independence (why and why not, but you didnt need to know that). As some of you know, economists LOVE their abbreviations and short hands. Long run=LR, unemployment=U, inflation= (the pie sign which i cant find on my keyboard). And well, Central Bank just so happen to be compressed into the lovely CB. So while I was writing my essay plan (yea i know), man, was the initials "CB" plastered all over my notes!! And I had a great time laughing my fucking CB ass off.

ok that was random.

2008-04-26T07:53:00.003+08:00

And so the world begins....and liFe sUxxXx n iT cAnx fUckIN' SuxX mI kOxKzz.

If only I had one. (side note: heard of the latest news about a ftm who got pregnant? for that split moment i wanted to go for a sex change. might still consider it.)

But anyways. Whilst piled to the head with essays and deadlines, and surrounded like air by hypocritical people and people who want to suck my soul out of me... Stephan Jenkins stepped in my life and my blinded third eye saw once again in a long time... (omg that was so lame)

LifE mAy suXx buT Ani amOUnt of "do do Do doO do do" wIll chEerx mi uPz.

"I believe in the sand beneath my toes. The beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling. I believe in the faith that grows, and the four right chords can make me cry. When I'm with you I feel like I could die. And that would be all right."

2008-04-19T08:18:00.005+08:00

Ok i'm back. As much as i was planning to write an epic travel novel about how i hitch hiked 1600 miles (almost), landed myself in africa (morocco), missed my flight to rome because of silly daylight savings, got ripped off and poisoned in venice, swooned in ljublana (slovenia), and shuddered in greece...i'm gonna postpone my account.

I'm back in my house all alone, and had to cook for myself (unfortunately). As i was kinda freaked out about being in the house alone, i turned on the tv. And it was american idol. I havent watched any episode of this season and couldnt really be arsed about what was on until, my eyes chanced upon this guy with dreadlocks. Well, as we all know, i have an amazingly soft- spot for dreadlocks, so i took another look at the guy. I missed his singing parts so i went on to youtube....and what can i say. The first guy in a very very very long time to takemybreathawayandmeltmyheartandmakemetear.

I may be the last to know of his existence, but people - Jason Castro.
(I actually kinda dislike this song but OH MAN.)

ohmygodohmygodohmygod his eyes!!! and that smile!! ok shut up vanessa. oh when will my dreadlocks EVER get that long! *pouts* (and so i went on youtube and found interviews of castro, and people who wonder about how i wash my dreads -- he gives the EXACT same answer as i do.)

Studying is DANGEROUS!!

2008-02-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

With increasing amout of time spent on studying, the rate of getting paper cuts increase exponentially. And paper cuts are possibly the most unfavourable pain (as compared to pain from piercings/tattoos).

HENCE, STUDYING IS DANGEROUS!!! EVERYONE STOP NOW!!!!!!!!! (I mean it.)

2008-02-22T09:29:00.001+08:00

Online petition - Save Polaroid Film!!

2008-02-14T09:13:00.005+08:00

Bah bah black sheep have you any wool. Yes sir yes sir, three bags full.

Let me try to convince people that being half way through my degree really isnt anything to rejoice about. It has been one and a half yearssssss of agony, and there's another one and a half morrrrreee to go. Honestly, why do people think its a good thing??? To have to continuously convince myself that I need to pull myself through this in order to do what I want eventually is HONESTLY, not easy. And the times when I fail to do so just so happens to be the worst moments in my life.

I look at the theatre community in my school. And just look back on what i've done--nothing. Is it really cause I havent put in the effort? Or does everybody just shun me because I do economics? (As if that it's stamped on my head) But there's just this stigma that seems to be tattooed on my forehead... sign up sheets for auditions ALWAYS come with a column for "Degree", and it never fails to puzzle me. And it comes as no surprise when I often find myself being the only non-theatre or non-literature student.

Argh. Seriously. This year I am SEEMINGLY working harder. Apart from the test that I handed up a blank sheet, I have been passing *most* of my tests/assessments. But there's another year to go, and I honestly dont know how to get through it.

Listen up people who wish they were here in england studying. Honestly, (I speak only for my school), this is a shit hole. People here are no more than paper chasers, and CV-chasers. Everyone here is SO EXTREMELY caught up with getting internships at Goldman Sachs, organising big events, and studying so effing hard. Everytime I look at these people and see NOTHING inside them. No fire, no excitement. Just a hard-ass-working corpse. It's honestly depressing. Either I'm mixing with the wrong crowd (which is unfortunately out of my control), or everyone here is REALLY just empty. Either that, or maybe, I'm the empty one.

Somebody save me.

Haunted by my dreams,
I stay awake.

2008-01-31T03:52:00.001+08:00

Oh Sarah Lawrence....

2008-01-21T10:15:00.000+08:00

Hello fellow earthlings. In case you guys havent heard of this -- I am hitch hiking to Morocco over my Easter holiday. For those frogs in the well who havent got a clue what hitch hiking means, it means that I stick my thumb out, unbutton my shirt and bat my eyelids in hope for a driver to pick me up. And hopefully drive me ever so much closer to Morocco, starting from my campus.

This is all in name of charity, babes. I need to raise 300 pounds for Link Community Development (www.lcd.org.uk), a charity that aims to improve the quality of teaching and learning in the most disadvantaged schools in Ethiopia, Ghana, Malawi, South Africa and Uganda. 900 schools and half a million school kids will be benefitting from your donations. And what's best, you dont have to get out of that cushioned seat of yours. All you need to do is yell for mummy daddy to read out their credit card numbers, type it into the donation box, and click DONATE! Any amount counts my friends. I know the donation is made in pounds, and it happens to be 3 times the value of our singapolean dollars. Just make $3 will be amazing. Or more, hopefully.

That little box to your right is where you find the place to donate.

Please do donate! My target is supposedly 300pounds (otherwise i will not be allowed to hitch!), but i'm putting it as 500pounds, cos as we all know, targetting high means you reach higher.

So plleeeasssee do donate! I'll tattoo the name of the highest bidder on my ass if i have to! And do tell every one you know!! Post on your blog, your facebook, tell your classmates, lecturers....etd

And if you want me to hitch in a banana costume just so you will donate $100, tell me. Or hitch in a pig costume for $1000, tell me also.

Every bit makes a difference. I might die out there, SO PLEASE DONATE!! Thank you muchlies.

2008-01-12T06:56:00.000+08:00

What can I say, I get distracted easily....

...and I get drawn hot babes in dreadlocks (by the forces of Mother Nature) who sing and write well.

"i build each one of my songs
out of glass
so you can see me inside them
i suppose
or you could just leave the image of me
in the background, i guess
and watch your own reflection
superimposed"

"Come here
Stand in front of the light
Stand still
So I can see your silhouette
I hope
You have got all night
'Cause I'm not done looking
No, I'm not done looking yet"

2008-01-08T07:17:00.000+08:00

Omg omg. *bimbo fit* I paid attention to my first lesson today!!! (At least for the first 30 minutes of it.) I'm so excited because what my lecturer said for the first 3 minutes ACTUALLY made sense!!! *more bimbo fits* And I'm actually going to tell you what he said, cos they were completely not related to economics. :D :D :D *flicks bimbo dreadlocks*

And so, there are two kinds of students at University -- the first are those who actually want to learn something; the second are those who just want that stamp on their forehead that says BSc Economics, University of Warwick.

Warwick makes us more "productive" in preparation for the "real world". Or not. The fact may actually be that Warwick is merely a screening process. Imagine a factory, in comes the raw material(students), then you get the workers who work on them (teachers), then you get the final stamp. The QC - Quality Check. First Class: BRILLIANT! Second Upper: Not Brilliant but ALMOST there. Second Lower: Really, just Lower. Third: Hmmm. Pass: I can pay you nuts and you wouldnt give a peep.

(The additional descriptions for degree classifications are complimentary from me.)

Sigh.

Yes people. I'm back in England. Where time passes slower and I sleep more (or not). I'm quite happy that time passes slower, at least I get more time to do more things I want to do, which I normally dont do in Singapore because time is minimal. But as time passes slower, I unfortunately have more time to sit around and draw up epic plans to quit school. (In the last phone call my dad made to me before I boarded the plane, he said "No quitting of school." Period.) I'm so bloody stubborn huh. But fact is, I have admitted to this fate (i seem to say this very often), and I am slightly determined to pass this stupidhypocriticalannoyingfuckinguseless degree. So that I can get that piece of paper and burn it.

*listens to Ayumi and paints my bimbotic nails.*

2007-12-17T00:59:00.000+08:00

drifting drifting driftingggggg....

some people just ought to die.

2007-12-06T22:47:00.000+08:00

And so there are just about 2 people in my life that I truly detest, dislike, hate. Make that three. I'm a pretty easy going person until someone somewhere decides to unhinge me and throw me into raving madness. I'm talking about hypocritical people. People who establish relationships JUST for ulterior motives. People who LOVE to show off as if that's their calling in life. People who do not respect other people. Just to clarify things, I do not normally hate people simply based on what other people tell me about them. I much prefer to make my own judgements based on my own values. Thus, understandably, not everybody can comprehend my hatred towards these people. (Even though hypocrisy and scheming people are usually on top of the list for Most Hated Traits in people.) But everything is relative, so I understand that people do not always agree with me. But agreement is just one part of the deal, and the least important really. I make it a point to minimise contact with people I dislike. And if remotely possible, have them erased completely from my mind. (Impossible because these two people belong distinctively to two different social circles I belong to.) I dont expect people to feel the same way I do. All I ask of them is to not mention them in front of me, and reduce any possibility to remind me of these people. For the record, I honestly HATE feeling HATE. And would much rather go along with my elusive life in peace. The third said person has successfully unhinged me. (And I'm talking about heart-racing, palm-sweating, limbs-trembling, headache and tear-inducing kind of unsettling insanity.)Unfortunately. I have been drifting in and out of a daze attempting to seek solace in either dimension - to much failure. Again, to be fair, I do not know this third person well, at all. All that I know of her are through other people, and from things I read of her, by her. And unless such misconceptions are cleared, I'd very much like to be left to my own mechanisms - that is to expel her from my memory chest. All I need is some cooperation.

2007-12-03T10:41:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

wah seh. so chee bye-ly true.

2007-12-03T07:51:00.000+08:00

Just so people know, I'll be back in a week's time. Touch down 3pm (singapore time), on the 10th of december. And no, I dont know when I'm coming back to england. Apparently all SQ and BA flights are packed full to the brim (I have the image of an aeroplane filled with people, stacking up on each other, with heads pressed to the windows. heh.) And boy, I am so unfazed. I'll stay in singapore then. I think i'll be so much happier.

2007-11-27T08:52:00.000+08:00

the nicotine slowly floats to my head creating a whirlwind with its miniscule seedlings thoughts get thrown around without ever settling I love you with hesitation I let you free with reluctance "My little angel" you say the whirl calms - and rages on with greater fury unsettled I trust you Nicotine threatens to kill uncontrollable my head explodes debris never settling in and out second hand smoke trails into my brain rendering it unhappy and in pain tears induced sleep reluctance to wake to face life I can only wait...helplessly...

2007-11-19T03:39:00.001+08:00

Dear god, she's gorgeous.

2007-11-16T06:38:00.000+08:00

The trees, my orchestra.
The wind, my acoustics.
The birds, my harmony.
The frost, my confetti.
The flowers, my lady audience.
The grass, my male audience.
The horses, my dancers.
Autumn leaves, my fireworks.

My Voice, for You.

2007-11-13T03:30:00.000+08:00

I wanted to bitch about British girls. But I went for a talk, and I changed my mind (for now). The speaker's name is Nicholas Yarris, and he spent 23 years on the Death Row, for a crime he did not commit. More details of his "crime" can be found here: http://www.innocenceproject.org/Content/302.php

"The state (Singapore) had the highest per-capita execution rate in the world between 1994 and 1999, estimated by the United Nations to be 13.57 executions per one million population during that period."

Yes, I'm talking about the Death Penalty. (Yes I hear your "hoo"s and "haa"s; and jiehui's nagging voice at the back of my head "there's nothing you can do about it vane! that's just the way the world is!")

Yarris could have died -- for nothing. He had 150 years of a sentence to his name, and the Death Penalty. All for crimes he did not commit. He was a druggie, and hence an easy target and victim for the policemen to exert their power and authority. To wrongly accuse him, that is. [At this point, I'd like to recommend the movie Crash, the Oscar winning one, not the other crap one.]

Pardon my incoherence and inarticulate-ness. I've talked about the Death Penalty before, but someone shot me down and said that it is necessary. But now, I think I am more capable of substantiating my stand that the Death Penalty should be abolished. And Yarris put it very simply why so: "Simply because I don't trust people with such power." He brought up how the Nazis killed the disabled because they are weak. A similar situation may arise. Say one day George Bush decides that the disabled people are wasting the resources of the country and hence decides to kill them all. They, or he, has the power to. Just one signature and off with their heads.

Then someone brought up the issue of the killing of Saddam (that 911 guy). Was it not right to kill him for the 3000 people he killed? No, says Yarris. Observe the uproar, the unrest of his people. Observe how terrorism has bloomed. It wasnt Saddam who caused it. It's that Bush. Apparently Bush made a speech a few days after 9/11 to say something along the lines that it's his fault that the world is in such a mess and people's lives are threatened. He wanted to organise an Amnesty gathering of sorts, where anybody and everybody could come together to "make peace". I doubt it happened.

I digress. I was talking about the Death Penalty. And I cant help but think of Shakespeare's Measure for Measure. (Yea, cliche, I know.) I mean, who are we to send someone off to the gallows. Who are we to claim to be in the name of Justice? So what if the murderer took someone's life? You taking the murderer's life makes you one too. Here I argue on a highly debatable notion - morality. But. Yarris says it's not about morality. It's reality. People in power do what they want. Possession of drugs in Singapore sends you straight to the ropes. You have one chance of appeal. HUR.

Yarris claims not to be a Liberal. Yes to life sentence; no, to the death penalty. Reasons are those I've just discussed. Yarris is 46 years old now. "I can finally say that I've lived half my life -- free." In prison, he was tortured, contracted Hepatitis C, was fed poison to counter his illness, and was scoffed at whenever he mentions he is innocent. Even the guy who came to file his appeal. People in power, my friends.

He is now an activist, giving talks around the world, telling people about his story. Hopefully, he gathers enough support to abolish the death penalty once and for all. And his approach, while lamentable, is highly effective. That is, through money. He's telling businesses to boycott states that support the death penalty. Businesses that are worth billions to the economy of the state. And well, who cares about the fucking death penalty when their wealth and luxuries are at stake?

I shall end here. My point (uh huh- i hear you jiehui), is just to let people know. Make people have a stand. And with that, stand up against such a stupid punishment. Honestly, I felt sad when I saw the figures on wikipedia, on the number of people Singapore has killed under the death penalty. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment_in_Singapore

We have killed so many people that it is no longer the case of 杀一警百. (Direct translation: Kill one to scare the others.) It's the case of waving a sword in a crowd and killing anyone who dares enter your radius. (Well, I exaggerate, but.) Obviously, Singaporeans have no issue with this law. Until someone of kin becomes convicted. And dear god, for the possession of drugs you get killed. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! How serious can that be!?!?! *breathes*

This is a note of awareness. Amnesty International is where you can support such fights for human rights. Whatever that entails, I'm not quite sure. But honestly I dont trust our government with such power to kill.

2007-11-12T04:09:00.000+08:00

Things I do when I try to study. Nothing fantastic..but fun. (As compared to econs, what else can be more boring huh.)

My days are spent waiting to see her night.
My nights are spent waiting to see her day.

2007-11-11T10:04:00.001+08:00

Its funny how whilst I was back in Nanyang/VJC, everybody had no hope in me. Everyone thought I was going to fare HORRIBLY for my exam. End up in a school of the lowest "rank", and become someone with no "achievements".

Then while I'm in uni, EVERYBODY tells me that I'll be amazing. And that I'll pass and score good grades. Everybody SUDDENLY has "faith" in me. "You can do this Vanessa, you can do that."

Its funny what money can do. Fucking hypocrites.

p.s. I'm not angry. I'm just highly amused, and slightly bummed. And I'm swearing once again that I will not work for money.

2007-11-10T07:15:00.000+08:00

K's Choice – Home

An amazing song with amazing vocals. "Home" by K's Choice.

p.s.If anyone is able to find the tab/piano score, or compose it, do let me know! And if people want the song, just ask me to send it to you via msn. :)

And so I opened my textbook...

2007-11-05T02:58:00.001+08:00

...and decided i should blog since i'm bored already. :P

And then there's a knock on my door, delivering my much craved for chinese food. *swoon* I've been surviving on shit food, with the occassional feast of roast meat or pasta or pizza. Eating irregularly at 4pm or 10pm or eating nothing at all. 5 weeks of that is definitely enough and a feast of S$25.50 worth of chinese food is definitely well deserved. I get King Prawn Chow Mien (as they spell it), and 6 fried wan ton with sweet and sour sauce. *knees go weak, not that i'm standing up*

Ok. I just finished my lovely dinner and I'm exploding with chinese food. Although I continue to stuff myself with the leftovers. BURPS. and FARTS.

Anyway, I initially planned to write an amazing essay inspiring and stirring up feelings among Singaporeans. But I have decided that keeping things short and sweet is the way to go. Non non. Dont worry. It's not about 377A. Its over. I'll go back to Singapore to mutilate Thio Li Ann, but that's about it. What I want to talk about is about disabled people. As you all know, I've started working at the Arts Centre in my school. As like a Front of House, ticketing person. So there were some trainings I had to attend. And the last one was about disability.

The first thing that comes to mind upon the words "diabled people", is wheelchaired people. And blind people. Well, you guys are ALL WRONG. Not entirely, but, still wrong. Pfft. Apparently, there is a HUGE distinction between disability and impairment. And, An 'impairment' becomes 'disabling' in social and cultural context, and NOT because they're born with it (or not). These people become "disabled" BECAUSE the public does not cater to them. That is, the wheelchair user's inability to enter a building is due to the absence of a ramp, for example.

Well. With that said, Singapore is really shit, isnt it. With the circular stuff on the floor at MRT stations, that end when you reach outside the station. With brills on random walls.

In England, every door has this button that you press, and the door opens automatically. Although this is often used by normal (lazy) people. In England, there is a ramp, for every building. In England, at my Arts Centre, they have headsets to cater for the hearing impaired; they have sign language presenters for some shows, and they have extra large seats in the theatre for the fat people. In Singapore, if you're deaf, blind, or even fat, you're basically unable to enter the theatre. How bloody shit is that. The buses have RAMPS and specially allocated spaces for the wheelchair users. There is an ENTIRE carpark that is set aside SPECIALLY for disabled people. They are the priviledged here in England. No doubt a minority! WHY GAY PEOPLE CANT EVEN HAVE SEX IN SINGAPORE!?!?! Ahem. Sorry, I digress.

Ah well. That wasnt very short eh. Cant help it. I have developed the Old Woman Syndrome, and contracted the deadly disease that comes along - The Nag.

I fucking hate being in England, but there are certain things here that make me drop my head in shame for being Singaporean.

Watched a couple of Singapore films at the film festival at my school yesterday. My god. Singaporean filmakers are OBSESSED. OBSESSED OBSESSED OBSESSED. with old people. wtf. And Singapore Gaga REALLY didnt live up to its name. Boring, completely not insightful, nor artistic. Purely a (lame) presentation of things I ALREADY KNOW. Although there was a film by Kelvin Sng, that was a tribute to Japanese ultra-violent porn/cult films that was pretty good. Almost like hostel. Just with crap actors. And these directors complained about a small audience pool. I wonder WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Dont get me wrong you know. I completely support local artists, which is why I criticise them when they disappoint me. Heh.

2007-10-24T04:14:00.000+08:00

Ok. Old issue, new entry. I need to talk about 377A, again, I'm afraid.

To the ignorant, Section 377A "Outrages on decency" of the Penal Code states:

Any male person who, in public or private, commits, or abets the commission of, or procures or attempts to procure the commission by any male person of, any act of gross indecency with another male person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 2 years.

I dont mean to be so much of an activist, as I normally steer clear of politics, but this time, I guess the rights of my friends are being infringed upon and I dont think that's very fair. My words are weak, I dont have an amazing vocabulary, and my grammatical errors are rampant. My heart speaks to you, my readers, and I hope you will pass the word. I dont mean to preach, I just want people to realise, and take a stand, because we need all the support that we may potentially have.

As most of you possibly know, the last parliamentary debate in September ended in tears and anger for the queer community. Because apparently the "majority" has spoken and they were completely against the idea of people having anal sex behind closed doors.

[Side note: anal and oral sex between a consenting male and female conducting privately has been made legal.]

Yesterday, the second parliamentary debate was held. Two NMPs took the extreme stands towards 377A. The video can be found here:

http://www.straitstimes.com/Video+News/Singapore/STIVodcast_2881.html?playid=2881&type=Singapore

NMP Thio's tone of disgust angered me. And that's all I'm gonna say. I'll leave it up to you guys to make your own judgements, and hopefully spread the word. I think now is not the time to lie on your couch and pretend that nothing is happening. Every effort counts. Every effort to let our nation realise that gay people are not monsters/freaks. Every effort to let our nation realise that gay people are everywhere, in the trains that we take, in the shopping centres we frequent, and on the tv we watch. Are they truly that repulsive?

I'm intending to sell tshirts. Something along the lines of "repeal 377a", "its not just a gay thing, its about equality". And perhaps print the pledge by the back of the shirt.

We the citizens of singapore
Pledge ourselves as one united people
Regardless of race, language, or religion
To build a democratic society
Based on justice and equality
So as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our people.

I'm hoping to take a soft approach for this issue. Cos as we all should have realised, all these debating only served to stir up negative reactions from both parties. [Some of you might have realised that as the online petiton www.repeal377a.com was put up, other online peitions such as keep377a.com, retain377a.com, pro377a.blogspot.com started to sprout.] This shirt will be free, although donations will be greatly appreciated. People who would like to help out in this process, do get back to me, cos, as you ALL should know, I'm not in Singapore.

I will leave you guys with the video, spread it as you wish.

2007-10-11T06:28:00.000+08:00

Hello friends, and random people reading my blog.

I'm in England as you all should know. Reason that I havent quite been online as much as I'd like to be is because, I havent got internet connection in my house. Because the people are short-handed and apparently too busy setting up internet connection in other people's homes. 13th was the date they initially quoted us, but now, it doesnt look like its happening. They told us 26th, but they're trying to change it to an earlier date. You think?

Bloody British. What's more? The entire Royal Mail for England has decided to go on a strike. Yup. They've done it for a week already, but apparently they're gonna do it for ANOTHER week starting Monday. That means, my cheque book aint coming, my textbooks aint coming, my mail aint being sent, and I will not be expecting any art material from my mother coming thru the mail anytime soon. Bloody British.

Anyways, that said, you are always welcomed to send me stuffs. A simple postcard will make my seeing mail through the mail slot so much more exciting. The address you'll have to write is this:

17 Clapham Terrace
Leamington Spa
CV31 1HY
United Kingdom

Weet.

Anyway, this year looks like a better year. I've packed myself full with art classes, singing classes, philosophy classes, Polish theatre classes, juggling classes, photography sessions, stewarding for the Arts Centre, and of course, falling asleep in every single bloody lecture I have. Honestly, I havent got a clue what's my course for this year is about. I just vaguely remembering drawing some graphs on me paper, dozing off for 3/4s of the lesson, and leaving the lecture hall in a jiffy to get to my other exciting activities. Can you guys see where this is going? Yea, of course you can. :P

Just so you know, london Youth Music Theatre audiitons are coming up. Registration for Summer School opens next year. I can see myself ahem...barely making it for my degree. HUR.

School's getting slightly more exciting I must say. I am FINALLY meeting interesting people. The other day at the cafe, I was using my laptop when the girl sitting at the same table as me decided to start talking to me. I must say, she was slightly mad, and we got along perfectly. My Polish Theatre class people are REALLY interesting, and talking to them is completely NOT a chore, unlike talking to people from Economics. The people at my Art Class are ALL retirees/pensioners. Ie. above the age of what, 60? or more. They're so laid back and easy going its wicked. One lady just kept going on about how pretty I am, and hence she is EXTREMELY kind to me. :) aww. Love them old people.

Anyway, that said. I'm gonna stop just abouts here. I'm tapping into my neighbour's internet, and may get cut off anytime soon. And I've got a bloody tissue shoved right up my nose (hur) cos it's plotting to run away. That means shower time and bedtime. Toodless my friends, and other random people reading my blog.

Much love sent from Bloody Britain.

2007-09-26T01:04:00.000+08:00

I've been awake for a while now
You got me feeling like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying dry and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

Leaving on Friday, 28th September. 1120pm Flight.

2007-09-14T02:38:00.000+08:00

Vanessa Ho will go to jail for ...

Using your dildo as a weapon of mass destruction

'What sexual activity will you go to jail for?' at QuizUniverse.com

Haha. That sounds about right.

2007-09-09T02:40:00.000+08:00

"i cant believe life's so complex, when i just want to sit here and watch you undress."

2007-08-23T01:20:00.000+08:00

I feel compelled to write this. Am not the kind who goes around broadcasting my sexuality, but I feel extremely compelled to write this. So that people will cease to make ignorant AND hurtful comments.

Let me just start off by saying this:

I am a bisexual.

Its not something I strictly adhere to, as labels do FAIL to completely and appropriately describe a person. Especially when you are dealing with human beings. With this, I am going to say, I am dating a lady now, but call me a lesbian and I might shoot you. Not that I'm against lesbians or anything. I am quite active in the lesbian communities, but I maintain a stand that I am a bisexual, because of my potential to date men.

I believe there is not a need to date both parties before I can actually "qualify" as a bisexual. Because bisexuality encompasses the potential to date members of both genders. By saying this, I would just like to say that gender, again, is not an all-encompassing label. There are wayy too many people out there who do not fall into the "male" "female" category. [I will give you real examples if you request for it, but now, I shall assume that this is not a surprising/debatable statement.]

I'll like to go on a little bit more about gender. Well, generally you have two kinds of gender -- your physical gender, and your so-called emotional gender. That said, it does NOT mean that if you are male, you naturally display masculine traits; and vice versa. The lady I am currently dating does not bind her breasts. She does not dress in a "manly" way. She does not talk in a "manly" way. She might have certain "male-mindsets", but that does not make her a man. And since when did mindsets have a fixed gender? What about the straight tom-boys? What about the straight effeminate males?

Lesbians are proud to be female.

Call a butch a "he" and she will go, "excuse me, I am a woman." Its two completely different entities when you talk about sexuality and gender. Dont mix them up. And dont ever, fucking, stereotype. Simply because it is insulting and hurtful.

I would like to briefly touch on the issue that not all lesbians are completely homosexual. Just like not all straight people are completely heterosexual. For example, a lesbian's desire to sleep with a man doesnt mean she wants a relationship. That said, please do not confuse a person's sexuality, with a person's ethics. Straight people can also have the desire for orgies. And for one, being bisexual does not mean I want to sleep with both genders, at the same time.

I'm losing my train of thoughts as I have so much to say about this issue. But I think my main point, that I have been trying to make for a very very very long time is, do not reject people just because they do not fall into your narrow-minded categories. Accept them for who they are even though you do not understand. And if you dont understand, dont make ignorant comments.

The lady I'm dating is not thin. She's round and possibly overweight. She is a lesbian-identified-as-bisexual. She is 31 years old. She plays warcraft.

She is not masculine. She is not butch. She is quite childish. She might marry a man to settle down. She is capable of being monogamous (and so am I).

I am not with her just because she's a female, and that I'd like to prove my bisexuality. I am not with her just because she plays warcraft.

I am with her because she is who she is, and I like her.

p.s. Forget about gender, and you might understand.

p.p.s. I'd like to go on about gender roles, but I shant. Basically, I get offended when people tell me that homosexual relationships are built on heterosexual relationships. I.e. There is a "male" and a "female" in every relationship. Well, I'd like to change that to, there is a "masculine" and a feminine" in every relationship, BUT, these traits not necessarily separates. You can find both feminine AND masculine traits in A person.

Argh. I need to stop. But anyway. These are my beliefs. I'm not trying to force them on you, except for one belief -- live and let live.

2007-08-17T18:17:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

2007-08-17T17:27:00.000+08:00

Well, I don't know why I came here tonight
I got a feelin' that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair
And I'm wonderin' how I'll get down those stairs
Clowns to left of me, jokers to the right
Here am I stuck in the middle with you

Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you
And I'm wonderin' what it is I should do
It's so hard to keep this smile from my face
Losin' control, I'm all over the place
Clowns to left of me, jokers to the right
Here am I stuck in the middle with you

Well, you started off with nothing
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling
Slap you on the back and say
Please, please

Well, I'm stuck in the middle with you
And I'm wonderin' what it is I should do
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor?
I don't think that I can take it anymore
Clowns to left of me, jokers to the right
Here am I stuck in the middle with you

Ah. Sometimes I really miss the British. And I'm wondering how I'll get down those stairs to meet you later. (Hah) I'll probably roll down.

The Clown's Prayer

2007-08-15T02:19:00.000+08:00

As I stumble through this life,
help me create more laughter than tears,
dispense more cheer than gloom,
spread more cheer than despair.

Never let me become so indifferent,
that I will fail to see the wonders in the eyes of a child,
or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.

Never let me forget that my total effort is to cheer people,
make them happy, and forget momentarily,
all the unpleasantness in their lives.

And in my final moment,
may I hear You whisper:
"When you made My people smile,
you made Me smile."

-Anonymous-

Someone shared this with me, that made me feel happy. Whether or not the person meant what I thought she meant.

2007-08-11T02:40:00.000+08:00

Can someone please enlighten me as to why bisexuals are confused?

2007-08-09T19:14:00.000+08:00

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way
I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had feeling I could be someone, be someone,
Be someone.

She's gorgeous. :)

2007-08-03T23:51:00.000+08:00

Ok. A little disclaimer. I normally dont drool over Korean girls because they're just so....lacy. But after watching this Korean drama series (on www.veoh.com), I'm in loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. *flutter flutter*

She looks like this in the show. (And already I'm drooling over her.)

Then her, modeling. Sighhh....

Her name's Yoon Eun Hye. And the series is called 1st Shop Coffee Prince. :P

I'm going for a talk tomorrow called BiFocal. For those who are interested, the annual GLBT Pride festival is here. You can find the full schedule here: http://www.plu.sg/indignation/

Just a little background. This festival has been held annually for a few years now, and it was called Nation. However, last year, apparently they banned this festival due to complains (oh, Singaporeans.) of indecency. So this year, they're back, with IndigNation. :) You dont have to be a GLB or T to be there. In fact, I believe they are targeting the straights out there. Awareness baby. Wear thy rainbows on thy chests. :)

2007-07-30T01:32:00.000+08:00

You are Strength

Courage, strength, fortitude. Power not arrested in the act of judgement, but passing on to further action, sometimes obstinacy.

This is a card of courage and energy. It represents both the Lion's hot, roaring energy, and the Maiden's steadfast will. The innocent Maiden is unafraid, undaunted, and indomitable. In some cards she opens the lion's mouth, in others she shuts it. Either way, she proves that inner strength is more powerful than raw physical strength. That forces can be controlled and used to score a victory is very close to the message of the Chariot, which might be why, in some decks, it is Justice that is card 8 instead of Strength. With strength you can control not only the situation, but yourself. It is a card about anger and impulse management, about creative answers, leadership and maintaining one's personal honor. It can also stand for a steadfast friend.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I think this card is better.

Anyway, for my loyal readers, you will realise there a CHANGE. Viola. But it's a work a progress. Please pardon the misfit of the background. I will figure a way to fix it if i'm not lazy.

Otherwise, check back in a week for a proper update. :D

2007-07-17T22:04:00.000+08:00

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of
intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Haha. First, it was the fortune teller who told me I will have good fortune. Then here comes the tarot cards. Thank god it didnt tell me I'll be in business. For I would have thrown my computer out the window.

The new goo goo dolls song is gorgeous. :)

2007-07-06T17:43:00.001+08:00

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Hah hah. Just so you guys know, I'm back. :)

2007-06-28T02:34:00.000+08:00

$4400.00

Mingle² - Online Dating

Anybody wants to buy my dead body for $4400??? LOL.

2007-06-10T08:19:00.000+08:00

The best bit's at the end. Pardon me if you've watched this a million times over. I hardly watch tv at home since my dad HOGS it. Hah. So yea. I watch "youtube". My best friend.

Now that my exams are over, I've got loads of time on my hands. Currently: training to be an amazing juggler, oil painting, readinggggg, playing games and watching youtube!!! Will start my photography extravaganza soon with the society. [Despite such positivity, can I just say that underlying is an impending doom. For I have failed my last paper. And no, I'm not the kind that goes around squealing "I'm going to fail I'm going to fail" and ends up with Straight Aces. I REALLY DO FAIL. So either I get kicked out of school or I do a resit. I'd much prefer the former. Although it's up to the Board of Examiners, to a certain extent.]

2007-06-07T08:46:00.000+08:00

This is a person you ALL have to read about. His name is Patrick Califia.

He is a bisexual man, who initially came out as a Lesbian at age 18, year 1971. His writings have "incensed" Separatists and atniporn lesbian feminised, and he became infamous fro belittling the antiporn movement.

He is into leather, SM, and dykes. But may I just say he is more than that. Read the article and you'll find out how, and why.

So kids, next time you decide to label anyone "gay", think twice.

2007-06-05T08:40:00.000+08:00

Your Passion is Yellow

You're a total sexual shape shifter.
You possess a complex sex drive and are very adaptable.
Of all the colors, you are the most likely to be bisexual.
While you the most passionate, you are very open minded.

What Color Is Your Passion?

So true. Tsk. But yellow aint my favourite colour. pfft

You Are an Animal Print Bra!

Wild, zany, and even a little crazy.
You make every date an unpredictable adventure.
You want a guy who will constantly surprise you.
A relationship that's the most insane ride of your life.

What Kind of Bra Are You?

I dont really care for the description. But I'd love a leopard print bra.

You Are the Very Gay Bert and Ernie!

Two grown puppets living together, sleeping in the same room?
They've even got coordinating striped shirts!

What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

ALL OF YOU GOTTA DO THIS ONE. IT'S HILARIOUS. lol

Your IQ Is 95

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional

Your General Knowledge is Below Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

LOL

You Should Get An Asian Inspired Tattoo

Mysterious and expressive
You like to show off, but you also like to keep some allure

What Tattoo Should You Get?

It's done, matey.

You Are Not Destined to Rule the World

You are destined for something else...
Like inventing a new type of cupcake.
You just don't have the stomach for brutality.
But watch out - because many people do!

Are You Destined For World Domination?

AWW!! But I want to take over the world!!! :( FINE. I SHALL INVENT A NEW CUPCAKE. HMPH.

You Should Be an Actor

You have a flair for the dramatic, and you probably already do a lot of acting in your day to day life, just to entertain yourself.
No need to steal the spotlight from your friends... You'll get plenty of attention once you start acting professionally!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

I KNEW IT!!! MUMMYYYY...blogthings say I should be an actor leh..

You Are Super Spicy

You're a little bit crazy, a little bit naughty, and a whole lot of sexy.
You go beyond hot - you set people's senses on fire!

Are You Hot?

WOOHOO!!!!

Your Personality Profile

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart.
Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people.
You tend to be always smiling - and making others smile.

You are shy and intelligent... and a very hard worker.
You're also funny, but many people don't see your funny side.
Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

The best world's shortest personality test.

And you know what? I'm going to stop here. I spent about 2 hours on blogthings when I have 3 more essays to prepare for my exam in less than 2 days. YAY. I'm so prepared to fail. tsk.

2007-06-02T07:38:00.000+08:00

I watched as
the closet door
slid open,
slowly,
and out crept
a spindly man-thing
to dance in silent circles
next to my bed.
Damien Echols

This is a man you have to read about: The West Memphis Three

Just watched Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End. Wicked. My first time in a cinema in England. FIRST. It was 6 pounds for the ticket, and 2.50pounds for the bus ride. Must be the most expensive movie I've watched.

And if you're guessing, yes, I didnt study. Havent do so ever since the end of my second paper yesterday. I pretty much am stuck in a daze. Unless someone can give me a motivation. I will continue in my daze. x

2007-05-30T06:18:00.000+08:00

stifle verb 1. prevent someone from breathing freely. 2. smother or suppress.

inertia /i-ner-shuh/ noun 1. lack of desire or ability to move or change. 2. (Physics) a property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or continues moving in a straight line, unless changed by an external force.

2007-05-27T10:35:00.000+08:00

Nothing, absolutely nothing can be born out of self-pity and laziness.

I pity myself too much.
I suffer from too, too, TOOO much inertia.
And alas, I seem to blame others more than myself.

But when I look around and wonder -- I'm sorry, what was I looking for again?

"This is your life, and it's happening right this moment. It is not going to wait for you to stand up again." I need to stand up on my feet again. But how? Where am I headed? And they say, when one door closes, another opens. But some doors are just harder to find. Was it not meant to be?

I listen to Corrinne May - and her devotion to Christ. Somehow I admire her complete devotion to God, but that is not me; I can't do that. I cannot look up to the sky and see an answer; I cannot listen to the silence and hear Him speak.

But, heh, how nice would that be?

My craving for peace within only causes uproars of unrest.
My desire for my passion only disappoints me.
My motivation to do some good only leads to more, and more inertia.

It is this velocity, yet this stagnation.
This physical conflict that you cannot close your fingers on.
This restlessness yet no where to go.
This need to up and leave, yet your feet are completely grounded.

And, this desire for the beauty of words, that leads to the inability to express.

There is a point in a whirlwind that is motionless.

You might find me there.

"The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time."
-Corrinne May, Everything In Its Time

http://corrinnemay.com

2007-05-26T10:03:00.000+08:00

Well, the way to confuse a naughty eskimo.

Ask him to sit at the corner of an igloo.

PFFT.

At last
My love has come along
My lonely days over
And life is like a song

At last
The skies above are blue
Well my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you I found a dream
That I could speak to
A dream that I could call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known well

You smile
You smile
Oh and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine at last

At Last.

Listen to the song "At Last".

And please, someone tell me. WHY. WHY are there so many people out there unhappy about the degree they are doing? WHY? Why dont they choose something they enjoy? And if they did, they should seriously consider shutting their fat traps, and be content.

At this, I want to throw up on probability, hypothesis testing, and confidence intervals. I have this HUGE desire to FAIL EVERYTHING. And just sit at home and not do anything.

One day, I woke up and I could not find it anymore.

2007-05-23T08:25:00.000+08:00

How do you confuse a naughty eskimo?

2007-05-21T13:09:00.000+08:00

How much I would give up to do Theatre Studies is something you can never measure.

2007-05-18T00:16:00.000+08:00

"Barring interplanetary trade, the world economy is a closed economy."

"An assumption need not be realistic to be useful."

"Remember, Earth is a closed economy."

Ahh. Gems from the textbook. God I hate it.

2007-05-14T09:08:00.000+08:00

"And how many hours a day did you do lessons?" said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.

"Ten hours the first day," said the Mock Turtle: "nine the next, and so on."

"What a curious plan!" exclaimed Alice.

"That's the reason they're called lessons," the Gryphon remarked: "because they lessen from day to day."

2007-05-01T23:21:00.000+08:00

So there. The title of my entry.

To be honest, I put this blog on private for a couple of days...and well, invited no one to read it. I wanted to delete it, but was too attached to my old posts. So yea. Private. Was hoping somebody will ask about this. And since Miss Tan (finally) asked, and suggested to blog about her, there. In all her glory. RACHEL TAN SHU XIAN.

Since I don't quite have much to say. I shall post pictures from our recent Europe trip. :D

Amsterdam, baby. Food out of the wall. I mean it. We were so addicted to these stuff man. Plus they were CHEAP. CHIP CHIP HOR CHIP.

Again, Rachel in glory her sai glory.

Brussels. woooo...chooccooollattteeee....hmmm.

QUACKLINGS!!!

People of the world: THIS is where Time Begins...

That's the tagline of Greenwich my friends. THE LINE that determines time. (And somewhere along those lines there's a little word Singapore. AWWW.)

WHEE!!! THERE'S A CHERRY BLOSSOM PETAL ON YOUR FACEEE!!!!

2007-04-28T07:45:00.001+08:00

I give up.

2007-04-26T04:44:00.000+08:00

"It is best to follow your heart, I think. The head is more reliable but eventually does not satisfy."

And so it would seem.

2007-04-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

"There, among the punk sophisticates and bow-ties and shiny shoes and bare-backed women, was Mum, wearing a blue and white dress, blue hat and brown sandals. Standing nearby was my brother, little Allie. All I could think was how small and shy my mum and dad looked, how grey-haired and fragile they were, and how the distance they were standing apart looked unnatural. You go all your life thinking of your parents as these crushing protective monsters with infinite power over you, and then there's a day when you turn around, catch them unexpectedly, and they're just weak, nervous people trying to get by with each other." -Hanif Kureishi, The Buddha of Suburbia

Rashez, if you read this, this is a book you should read. It's about an Indian migrant family in London.

Have you ever had the feeling one sudden day, when you suddenly realise time has stopped somewhere sometime somehow? And it is almost as if you're walking into some different dimension that looks like the world you used to exist in. People talk to you, through wires. People walk next to you, but they dont see you. You eat you sleep you read you talk you scream. But you don't seem to have any effect on anything. You get excited over seemingly exciting events. You sing out loud, you dance, you cry, you talk to ducks, you chase pigeons, you smoke out of your window, you get pierced, you get tattooed. But there's nobody around to prove that you have just done what you did.

All the feelings in the world seem to happen within me. And only within me. I seem to be existing in a world of my own. Somewhere in this world I have my little bubble. I make up my own stories. I write my future. I talk to my toys. I sing to myself. And everything, in hope of creating a memory somewhere.

2007-04-08T06:35:00.000+08:00

I'm in magicmushroom-hashbrownie-prostitutewindows-gay-cyclistabundant LAND.

More affectionately known as AMTERDAM!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEe.

For some reason, the whole world seems to think that I'm stupid. Heh. Maybe it's true.

2007-03-30T07:56:00.001+08:00

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN UNIVERSITY TOO LONG WHEN...

Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

You'd rather clean than study especially if an essay is due.

"Oh shit how did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.

Parents' cooking becomes something you desire, not avoid.

You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas especially neighbours and Hollyoaks.

You know the pizza boy by name and don't even need to read the menu.

You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.

You live for getting mail.

Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.

Prank phone calls become funny again.

You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your accent becomes a hybrid of West Country, Surrey and general Northern.

Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

Rearranging your room is your favourite pastime.

Rubbish cheap £1 shops are so cool.

The weekend lasts from Thursday to Monday.

BEFORE I CAME TO UNIVERSITY, I WISH I HAD KNOWN...

That it didn't matter how late my first lecture was, I'd still sleep through it.

That I could change so much and barely realize it.

That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.

No matter how 'cool' you were in school, no one here cares.

That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.

That every clock on campus shows a different time.

That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn't matter here.

That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.

That you can know everything and fail a test.

That you can know nothing and ace a test.

That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.

That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures.

That friendship is more than getting drunk together but that's still funny......!

That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.

That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Maths.

That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.

That it's possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by friends.

Don't be dismayed at good-byes, a farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.

TOP 10 REASONS THAT UNIVERSITY IS LIKE PRIMARY SCHOOL

10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like (because everyone else looks as stupid as you do).
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4. You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to cheese toasties.

I reaped this off one of the facebook groups. (The facebook that miraculously invaded Singapore and replaced Friendster.) Some may be out of context, but I love the "You wear your backpack on both shoulders." and "Looking out the window is a form of entertainment." I do it ALLLLLLL the time. Heh.

And here's to writing my 3rd personal statement in my life. And each time, I have a different passion. How utterly hypocritical. *shudders*

Cheers.

2007-03-28T07:15:00.000+08:00

About 300 more words.

I'm having The Jitters.

14 hours and I'm going to meet the professor with my (rather) poorly written essay. And then he'll probably tell me my chances of getting into the course.

I'm just all nervous now I'm not too sure I can write the essay. (But I fucking have to la.) Suddenly I'm not too sure about my decision. I know it's what I've wanted for forever. But sometimes, when you want something for too long, and when you have been disappointed for too long, you suddenly forget what you're fighting for.

Well, that said, I'm pretty sure I am damn fucking sure what I am fighting for.

Just not too sure if it's the right decision.

And then again, I'm not too sure if I should be so optimistic. Heh. Silly me.

I feel as if I'm gonna get married. Tsk to me.

2007-03-24T11:45:00.000+08:00

Today, I saw the best play in my life.

(Well, not exactly, but you get the point yar? heh.)

I am a thousand words away from my dreams.

2007-03-21T03:40:00.000+08:00

2007-03-15T19:51:00.000+08:00

You guys are gonna be sooooo jealous when you read what I've gotta say.

SOOOoooo jealous. I mean it.

Now make a guess of what it is.

Just make like a super duper crazy wild guess.

It's about people who sing... or rather, sang.

It's about a group of people. Dressed in cowboy hats, cowboy vests and cowboy boots. In flashy bikinis and blue hair.

It's about cheese and dance.

It's about lots of sha la la and lots of boom boom boom.

It's about kissing when the sun doesnt shine.

It's about para para - style dancing.

Well. If THE VENGABOYS popped into your head, then well, you're amazing. Hah.

Yes people, I SAW THE VENGABOYS LIVE LAST NIGHT at the club at my school's students' union. YES. LIVE. The people who brought you BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, I want you in my room. And... My heart goes sha lalalalala shalalala in the morningggg... And... The vengabus is coming...And... I only kiss kiss kiss when the sun dont shine... And... we're going to Ibiza.

Clad in the MOST outrageous clothings EVER, with the CHEESIEST dance music of our pre-adolescent age. Oh my...what a night. All for just 5 pounds. Told you you'll be jealous. :P

I didnt make it.

2007-03-12T10:21:00.000+08:00

Ok. England is officially The Slowest Country On Earth.

My life has come to a stand still even when I have 2 essays to write and 1 test to study for.

WHERE IS THE FUCKING MAIL!?!?!??!?!?!!?

Sigh.

I might do another futile attempt to switch courses. This time, I'll redo my first year. Which means I'll be in England for another year. (oh shit)

I'm hoping I wont have to do the whole UCAS fuck again. Cos if I have to, I think I might just kill myself for real this time. FOR REAL.

2007-03-05T08:41:00.000+08:00

Click it. I promise you wont regret the next 10minutes of your life. Promise. :D

5 more days..

2007-02-20T08:04:00.001+08:00

I signed up for an audition. Youth Music Theatre UK. My session is this saturday in London. 2 hours of a "workshop audition" that might get me into one of their 8 shows around the UK. I'll be auditioned and watched by some of the top directors and musical theatre people in the UK.

Can you imagine how amazing it would be if I actually got casted! Even as a teeny weeny microcosmic role???

Although I didnt even make my school's musical audition. And I'm pretty much competing with about 400 people all over the UK, aged 11 to 21...

My toes are crossed. Please just lend me ALL YOUR POWERS my kind friends!!!! I promise you I'll stop smoking for the rest of this week. Promise. I just want a little something to be proud of and happy for..

When you get used to disappointment...

2007-02-12T08:33:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: This is a purely self-purposed entry. Read at your own risk.

I think I found the turning points in my life. The first being when I quarrelled with my project mates in Sec2, that made me feel like shit. And the time when I rejected the leadership role when I was back in Nanyang, for Girl Guides. That was the time I turned inwards and closed up forever.

I never quarrelled with anyone from then on. I never put myself in a "powerful" position. And just let myself, float really.

And I cant help but blame my parents for this. They were the ones who hated me for being so involved. They stopped me from doing more things than I should -- that is, I shouldnt do anything but study and get As. I wanted to go to Denmark for a camping trip in Sec3, and I faced so many obstacles. I wanted to go to Chiang Mai for a YEP trip in J1, they stopped me without further considerations. I wanted to go to Morocco in my Easter holidays as a charity Hitch Hike trip, again, the answer was just "NO".

Studying Theatre Studies was my greatest desire and need, really. I wanted to be good at it, since I was never really "good" at it. My flatmate commented recently "You dont know Shakespeare!?! And you want to do theatre???" That comment really made me really angry and upset at the same time. As much as I hate her for it, it is unfortunately true. Being perpetually lousy at what you want to excel in is really an unenjoyable feeling. That was my reason for wanting to do theatre as a degree. A one-year plus fight finally ended in my tragic loss. Battle beaten, I have no intentions to stand again.

My mom just said she was "extremely disappointed" with me for not being to make friends here. All I can say is, I never wanted to. Especially not with the people in my course. I refused to believe I was doing Economics. I didnt want anything to prove to me that that is what I am doing, and will be doing for the next 3 years. But it just keeps coming back to me. (duh.) People around me are ALL doing what they chose. Even though there are people who said they're doing it cos it's practical, they BELIEVE in practicality, and hence, they're completely fine with doing econs. Even people who dont deserve to be doing theatre studies are doing it. And now, some singaporeans whom I know, are going for the morocco trip.

I want to shut down completely from the outside world, but I cant, cos that's all I have.

I go for photography opportunities and juggling workshops, auditions and more auditions. But everything involves being with people who are so happy with what they're doing. I just cant bear the thought that I'm not, and I cant be, because I have to report back to "parents". And OBVIOUSLY, they want me to earn loads and loads and loads of money, regardless of whether I am happy.

I know that there are many people out there who believe that one day my dreams will come true. But I need to be able to survive to see that day. And for me, there's no such thing as a future. The future becomes the present eventually, and that's the only tangible thing.

Although, even if I confront my parents one day, I'm not too sure if I'll be able to completely get back on my feet. I suppose I'm just extremely unmotivated yet at the same time, I cant wait to be extremely motivated. Anyway, I wont win. I never have.

Audrey, where are you?

2007-02-08T00:32:00.000+08:00

In liew of the Christian Union (CU) campaign in my school over the past week, I shall make a comment. As did many people who published their opinions in my school's weekly newspaper. I promise that I shall not make any senseless slammings and ignorant comments. Promise k.

Anyway, the tag line for the campaign was "Are You Satisfied?". The answer given by the CU was simply "God". All our "misery" and "sufferings" of life to be solved under the ever-so-powerful three-letter-word. One of the issues brought up by one of the writers was that of sexuality. Anti gay-sex, anti pre-marital sex, anti, well, sex really. And all these simply because "the Bible contains explicit social (and sexual) instuction." This really bugged me. This writer was particularly concerned about kindness. Kindness towards people, people with different sexual orientations, people who have pre-marital sex and have abortions. Given such "instructions" in the Bible, is it possible to be sincerely kind to these people?

"Being kind to those you know isn't enough; to be kind and reasonable to all, you cannot have a theology controlling your actions."

Well, enough said. Religion is a tiresome and possibly outdated topic. I leave it up to one word - choice. Point is, don't simplify life's problems. Don't let the words "fill the void in your life with God" escape your mouth so goddamnit easily. And most importantly, be kind to all humankind, or you will not welcomed into anywhere near 1000miles around me.

"I have met plenty of satisfied atheists and plenty of unsatisfied Christians in my time, for the simple reason that religion is not a magic band aid."

Anyway. The Tate Gallery in London recently spent GDP22300 on 90 cans of shit from an artist, that exploded due to expanding gases in the gallery. HAH.

2007-02-02T05:06:00.000+08:00

Answer if you dare. You’ve been warned…

1. What was the craziest thing you did on a day you skipped school?
Crash another school.
2. Have you ever fantasized about a teacher?
Too many.
3. What’s the most embarrassing thing you ever got caught doing by your parents?
Er. Singing to myself? I'm really careful. hah.
4. What CD do you own that might surprise most people?
Aqua. (I'm a barbie girl in my barbie world....)
5. What is your biggest “Guilty Pleasure” movie?
Honey, A Lot Like Love (heh.)
6. What’s the grossest thing you know you’ve eaten?
A flower. and peas.
7. What’s the biggest sacrifice you’ve ever made to make a significant other happy?
Hmmm..
8. Have you ever had sex with someone totally out of pity?
Nope.
9. How much money would it take for you to cut off your pinky?
All the money in the world.
10. How many times have you woken up to coyote syndrome (if you don't know what that is - you might've been the cause - lol)?
Poot.
11. If you had an STD with no visible symptoms, would you warn each new partner even if condoms were used?
Hmmm.. depends.
12. Have you ever taken cash from a parent’s wallet?
With permission.
13. A friend/roommate’s wallet?
For fun.
14. How many of your “Top Friends” have you fantasized about?
Hmm. None. Friends are friends for a reason I suppose.
15. Have you/would you tell them?
Nope. Typical me.
16. Have you ever watched tv (not porn) during sex ignoring your partner?
AHAHAHha. no.
17. How much money would it take for you to pose for Playboy/Playgirl?
About S$100,000 per photo.
18. What’s the most public place you’ve performed a sexual act with a partner?
A balcony.
19. By yourself? In PUBLIC?
Neverrr.
20. Would you sleep with someone you weren’t attracted to physically just because they were famous?
HMMM. If I'm not attracted, then no.
21. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told to get laid?
None.
22. Have you ever made friends with someone just to hook up with their sibling?
Hah. no.
23. Have you ever hooked up with siblings (not YOUR siblings dummy – lol)?
Never. This is getting boring.
24. What’s the lamest reason you broke up with someone (actual reason – not reason you told them)?
I'm always the one getting dumped. Though it happened only once. hah.
25. What reason did you actually give?
...
26. Have you lied about any of your answers so far?
I never lie. But I dont tell the truth either. HAH.
27. Have you ever kicked/punched a pet out of frustration?
NO.
28. If your best friend cheated on their fiancé during their bachelor/bachlorette party – what would you do?
Seduce the guy.
29. What is the most sexual acts you’ve engaged in within a 24 hour time period (not number of different acts - just number of acts)?
Ahahaha. Never more than 2. (You know, it really isnt as exciting as it sounds. Really. I'm still an innocent nanyang girl.)
30.What’s the worst/harshest revenge you ever took out on an ex?
Nothing.
31. Have you ever made out with a member of the same sex (not friendly "girlfriend hello" kisses)?
LOL. yea.
32. Name a celebrity most people wouldn't find attractive but you're strangely drawn to:
Hmm.Ewan McGregor? Katherine Moennig (heh heh heh. but she's REALLY attractive tho.)
33. What's the most partners you've had definite sexual activity with within a 24 hour time frame (not necessarily at the same time).
none.
34. Have you ever tasted your own "juices?"
hmmm.
35. Which sex is better: make up sex or sex with an ex?
Hmm.
36. What one person could make you miss the Superbowl cause he or she wanted to have sex with you?
I dont watch Superbowl.
37. Do you think you are hot?
To myself -- yes. Hell yes. Ahahaha.
38. Major turn-on??
Haha. *thinks* Boring answer: Kindness and childishness. Exciting answer: girls. fictional characters.

Something bad is happening...

2007-01-19T00:46:00.000+08:00

I have a teeny weeny micro wee bit of chance that I might just be able to change courses. All I need to do now is convince my dad and convince the department to let me change courses. It's mad I know, afterall I'm 11 weeks into term. But let me just hold on for a little while more. Next tuesday will be judgement day.

I just need someone to stand beside me... just a wee bit more... just a little more... ...

"i'm skating on thin ice and i know it... if i have to wait tables, clear garbage and shit, you know i'll do it." - liting.

2007-01-17T05:14:00.000+08:00

I just need someone to make sure that what I'm doing is all worthwhile.

I just realised how meaningful Stefanie Sun's songs are. And it's all jie hui's fault that I'm listening to chinese songs and youtube. aRGH.

2007-01-10T08:58:00.000+08:00

"A day without a smile is a lost day."

A matter of choice.

2007-01-05T04:52:00.000+08:00

I just need to hear some opinions. Honest ones.

My aunt told me that sometime in the past year, I made a choice. I made a choice to study economics, whether consciously or subconsciously. And therefore, I don't have the right to go back on "my words". Whining about school and being totally unmotivated is just a sign of immaturity and irresponsibility.

My question is, then, what do you classify as a "choice". (I promise you this is not as philosophical as it sounds.) Did I have a variety of options to choose from? My range of choice were as such: Psychology, English, Theatre Studies, and other soft sciences. My dad's range of choice were as such: Accounting and Finance, Law, Business, Economics. There is OBVIOUSLY a clash in interests. I made a choice out of my range of choices -- do you consider that a choice? If you were forced to make a choice, can you be liable for it?

I feel like I'm going to lose this debate. Or I've probably lost it already. As tempted as I am to go on about how fucked up my dad is, I shant. It just shows that I'm desperate to prove myself right. Which I am. But I want to make it sound convincing. And now's probably not the time.

I've spent so much effort trying to convince myself that I should just grit my teeth and get fucking on with this. But everytime my dad "talks" to me, he just makes me hate him more, and hate the situation I'm in. wtf..

"This is damn unfair, don't you think. Do you know how hard it is for people to find something they love? Everyone should be given a right to pursue whatever they love, no matter how ridiculous, and no matter how clueless they are."-Rohana, Sep 2005

2006-12-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

This is The Song.

This is not from the musical, i think it's some charity show. But it's equally good. :D

2006-12-25T07:00:00.000+08:00

"Excuse me, excuse me..? Do you have one pound?" He mouthed the words to me. Really softly. He asked me very weakly, as I was paying for my DVD.

I was stiff. I didnt quite know what to do. I've always have a soft spot for beggars (I use this word very scientifically), and I always try to drop them a couple of pennies if my wallet is within reach. But there was something about his look that made me stiff all over, and all I could manage was somewhat a shake of my head. And he mouthed again, "No..?" I looked away. And he left.

I was so guilty after that. He begged me. I have always admired beggars for their ability to humble themselves. As compared to theives. Although of course there are those beggars who demand for money like they're king.

If I'm not wrong, there's a law in Singapore against beggars. Correct me if I'm mistaken. This move has somewhat made me unable to react sanely when I meet a beggar. Inside me, I just go hysterical as to why these people are begging. Some of them are seriously young. Like the man who approached me earlier on this morning. My parents have always told me to just ignore them. Because if you donate to one of them, the rest will flock to you. My aunt tells me that they're lying and you should just shake your head and walk away. And that we dont print money. Same thing with the buskers in Barcelona. I wanted to give them all one euro or fifty euro cents. But my aunt just pulls me away. Why??? I mean, I admit I come from a financially comfortable background, so what would those few dollars do? Afterall, those buskers made me smile and laugh. The beggars, well, they made me feel sorry for the state they're in. I mean, if I could give them some hope in humankind, and some hope for their future, and some hope they could retire from the streets, why not?

Yea I know I'm no Santa Claus or Robin Hood. But if there's one power I want, it is the power to make people smile. Yea I know, how cliche. One busker in Barcelona, who dressed up as Charlie Chaplin, had a placard by his box, and it says "A day without a smile is a lost day." And indeed, he made his massive audience, smile and laugh. It's truly a gift! Not so much having the ability to solve mathematical sums. Nor being able to talk politics and cite history. It's just the ability to toss your hat and have it land perfectly on your head. And well, many more.

The young beggar's face really haunts me. If possible, I'll go up to him and apologize. Drop him a pound, and wish he'd find a job. Heh. How noble. But HONESTLY. If only I can brainwash that rich Russian tycoon who's selling VODKA, or Bill Gates to give up half their fortunes. I suppose such help is given, but not quite enough.

But one thing for sure, I wish that the world did not expose Africa to the world. I mean, ignorance is bliss. Whoever said that they wanted clothes to wear and shoes to walk on? Whoever took those photos of the skinny kids with the forelorn faces? I bet they're really happy in their villages, away from the rest of the world. Away from civilisation and industrialisation and globalisation. Screw the sations.

O' Merry Christmas.

London is dead.

nene.

The consolation of the imaginary is not imaginary consolation.

2006-12-22T04:56:00.000+08:00

I'm back.

After a mad week 9 and 10 of term. I jumped onto a train with my aunt and went to london, paris, barcelona, and now I'm back in London again. For the next week I'll be staying in London and roaming about...

Paris:

Possibly and argueably(?) the most beautiful city. Visited the massive Louvre and saw our dear auntie Mona Lisa. She was guarded by two security guards, and flocked to by loads of people -- with their cameras. Please realise the hilarity and the outrageousness of the situation : People taking photographs of the Mona Lisa. Just by typing in "Mona Lisa" in to uncle google or grandpa yahoo, u can get millions of pictures of the aunite. So why take photos?????? Beats me.

But anyway, I finally understand why auntie Lisa is so famous. Although I think there are many other paintings that possibly deserves the fame and title. Who glorified her in the first place? Hmm.. The Effiel Tower was well, huge.

I visited a huge graveyard as well, and guess who I found: Moliere and Oscar Wilde. AHA.

This is Oscar Wilde's station and as you can see, it's completely vandalised with love notes and kisses. LOL.
Some random building:

The Louvre:

Barcelona:
I am currently containing all my excitement about this city, and shall calmly type the amazing stuff in Barcelona.

Mime artists along the streets, not necessarily miming, but just street buskers. Painted in white, gold, silver, grey, metal-colours. Covered in recycled empty bottles, clad in ancient egyptian gowns, adorned with jewels, fitted with a mermaid's tail. There was this guy who painted his face, fixed false teeth and dreadlocks, and he looked EXACTLY like Ronaldhino. Exactly.

Street breakdancers, musicians, stalls selling live chickens, blue roses, live fishes, rabbits etc.... A man balancing a football all over his body, street tango dancers...you get the idea.

What can I say. Barcelona was just BURSTING with life. With colours. And, really hot people. EVERYDAY, rather, Every HOUR I see someone REALLY gorgeous. And when I dont see anyone good looking, I meet really friendly and funny people. For example, the "assistant" at the hotel. Even though he cannot speak english, he just makes fun of me all the time. And always manages to make me smile. What a charming old man. :) I'm going learn Spanish and make him my grandfather. hahaha. ahem.

Paris has the Louvre, London has St Paul's Cathedral/Buckingham Palace. And Barcelona has Sagrada Familia. It is THE most amazing structure I've seen. Designed by Antoni Gaudi, possibly the god of Barcelona, this church has been under construction ever since it started in 1882. Gaudi died in 1926 and the construction has yet to end. When we visited it, it was just the most spectacular thing ever. Every stone had a meaning. Every design had a specific inspiration. Every pattern had a function. And guess what, it is not yet near done. It is massive as it stands now. But the design requires another few more decades to complete.

My aunt told me that every city faces the problem of an ageing population. Well, not Barcelona. There are so many lovely kids around! A city of flamenco dancers, happy lobsters (it's a sculpture that sits on top of a bus stop), narrow streets filled with shops, cafes, museums, graffiti, blue skies, fluffy clouds, and a gorgeous sea. But I have to admit one thing, there is something that Barcelona cant match up to London. (highly possibly because of the language barrier)

That is, the theatre I'm seeing here, in London. I've just about spent all my money on musicals. And I'm not done watching stuff. I just watch Wicked on monday. Staring the really great Idina Menzel who played Maureen in Rent. It was the most wicked stage I've seen. Simply gorgeous. There was a dragon on the top of the stage, and it MOVES. Like a giant puppet. And everything was just so majestic...it was just magical. Again, the singing was just... ... and Menzel was so... green. That must have been a hell lot of green body paint.

Although at one part, Menzel couldnt control her laughter when "prince charming" jumped onto the stage Tarzan-style. The whole audience burst out laughing, and so did Menzel. Which spread to the rest of the cast on stage. And suddenly, everyone on and off stage were laughing. Well, but they controlled the situation really well.

I watched Monty Python's SPAMALOT yesterday. And it was a completely different experience. Anyone who has watched any of Monty Python's will know what I'm talking about. It was based on the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It was a really camp performance, but it was amazing. The stuff the director added onto the musical (i did not watch the movie, but some parts were just musical-ish) were just so amazing, I was just gasping in amazement throughout the musical. There was one line that particularly stood out and triggered me like a cannon --

"That's brilliant! It's through the fourth wall!!"

Let me explain. King Arthur and his knights were looking for the Holy Grail that "God" asked them to find. For the reason of simply looking for something. And a clue came up as they blew up an enemy. The clue was "DONE". DONE. D-ONE. The holy grail was under the seat D-One in the audience. And one of the knights commented "That's brilliant! It's through the fourth wall!!"

Yea, it may not be as funny as if you watch it on stage. The actors were just blessed with comic timing, and comic. Period. They were simply comic. Naturally. If you havent noticed, people who are funny have this certain thing about them. They are able to twitch, pout, bounce, whatever, in a certain way that's just simply, funny. I'm not too sure if you get what I'm trying to say. But if you observe ... you might get it.

Anyway, plans for other musicals will be The Producers, and Dirty Dancing. To those who watched "The Woman In Black" in SRP last last year, it's here in London as well. Together with Chicago, Cabaret, The History Boys (by Alan Bennet), Evita...blah blah blah. I think there are about 40 shows going on in London, and West End. And there are actually booths in West End where you can buy half priced tickets, although the seats suck, but compared to the S$160 tickets, I dont mind. Quantity over quality.

Anyway. I just started my London extravaganza. With a new piercing. :P I will try to update as long as internet connection exists. And I will try to update this particular post with pictures. As blogger is just a fucked up bugger who has been bought by Google. heh.

One thing this trip has taught me is that, I'm wasting time doing Economics. I dont belong where I am. And that I unfortunately have to find a way out of the circumstances. I have signed up for S$100/hour voice lessons because they are the only ones available on campus.

Good luck to me.

Oh btw, if anyone has yet to watch the movie "Fight Club", I suggest you run out of your house now and go buy it. AYE.

Love muchos,
nene.

And I wish you a Merry Christmas.

"Happy is what happens when your dreams come true." -Glinda from Wicked

2006-11-25T08:11:00.000+08:00

I travelled half the globe - only to find that I cry for the same thing I did back home.

Do you know that for as far as I can remember, I wish for the same thing every birthday.

2006-11-19T10:15:00.000+08:00

I'm looking for someone who has seen the movie "Benny and Joon", and who feels the same way about it as I do.

Everyone in my flat seems to be so entirely against the concept of the movie, except one girl.

Everyone is so interested in dumb american mass-produced movies like Dodgeball, Batman, Super Troopers, Zoolanders..etc. I am completely not against these movies, and I admit I did enjoy some of them. But surely, people cant just think that those are the "most awesome" movies and the rest are crap. Those movies are simply about drugs, sex, drugs, sex, and nothing else.

The American in my flat just thinks these movies are like, the best creations ever, and that the other movies are just not worth it. She commented that Benny and Joon was "cute", "dramatic", and secretly implied its rubbish. While the others just thought that "at least it's not the worst movie I've seen."

Sigh.

I dont know what to think.

I think America should just explode and sink. Go Saddam. Oh wait, he's sentenced to death. Damnit. (To anyone reading this entry, please just get into your head that I am NOT a potential terrorist. I just hate the whole "americanisation". Maybe the terrorists are doing a good job, if only human rights are not infringed upon.)

It's a pity that such a cultural place like England has succumbed to the evil ploy of America and it's stupid notions. Even though the Englishmen do display a dislike for the American notion, they are OBVIOUSLY under the influence of it. (Btw, I am NOT denying the FACT that I AM 'americanised' in many a ways.)

God fucking damn globalisation. A massive earthquake should occur and shoot every country into far ends of the universe such that no interaction can take place. And screw the scientist.

nene.

p.s. I am just disappointed. And I'm just exaggerating. I think I'm pretty comfortable with my the way I'm leading my life. It's just that I dont quite like the Americans, and I'm a huge walking contradiction.

Whee.

2006-11-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

and again.

2006-11-09T06:48:00.000+08:00

One day, I walked down the corridor, knocking on each of my flat mate's door, and popping a party pooper at them.

One day, I got drunk and danced, and amused them all.

One day, I tried to juggle with oranges, and accidentally punctured one.

One day, I froze fresh carrots, and everyone laughed at me.

One day, I drew a comic strip of a stickman dancing, and they all laughed.

One day, I screamed at a fat ass spider, and my flat mate caught it and ran after me.

One day, I took a camera, took some candid shots, and they all loved it.

One day, I pronouced Caribbean as cari-bean.

One day, I tried to be a pirate.

One day, I tried to catch a malteaser with my mouth, thrown by my flat mate.

One day, I made my flat mates walk around with a football between their knees.

One day, I made my flat mates walk around with a football on their heads.

One day, I played cricket in the corridor with my flat mates.

One day, I put a balloon in my toilet.

One day, I wrote a note for my toilet mate and slipped it under her door.

One day, I carved eyes, nose and mouth for an apple for Halloween.

One day, I put a smiley face on an apple pie I made.

One day, I tried to cook.

One day, I got lost at Birmingham.

One day, I cried in my room.

2006-11-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

Ok. Upon request, I'm going to update. UP Date. up DATE. hmmm.

Let's see, I've been here for about 7 weeks.

And I've got nothing to say.

I'm desperate for independence. And school sucks.

2006-11-01T06:52:00.000+08:00

I want to go home..

wherever that is.

I'm lost, again.

Bug Roll.

2006-10-23T06:51:00.000+08:00

Manual for the perfect British slang:

1. It's "bAllocks", not "bOllocks". It literary means "balls". Like, testicles. Yes.
2. Toilet roll is never toilet roll, it's called "Bug Roll".
3. Words like "good", "great", "nasty", "disgusting" dont exist. It's either "awesome", "excellent", or "awful". And THE way to pronouce those words is AAWWWEEEsome. Drag the "aw" and little emphasis on the "some". That's it.
4. Never greet people with "Hello". ALWAYS, without fail, greet people with "You alright?". And you have to pronounce it, "youral right?"
5. Never say goodbye with "bye". ALWAYS, say, "Cheers, mate."
6. The phrase "Thank you" doesnt exist. It's "Cheers, mate."
7. It's "arse", not "ass".

Cheers, mate.

Just came back on a windsurfing trip/festival. Will update as soon as I am awake.

Revelation

2006-10-14T08:06:00.000+08:00

Economics - A study that is made up of theories that people made up in this made up world.

(I studied ONE page of my textbook in 3 hours. YAY.)